On Being a Goddess

Yes, right off the bat this title sounds egotistical. But why? Shouldn't I be the sovereign

and supreme deciding factor in my own life? Shouldn't I be the determining force in all things pertaining to me? If I don't step up and rule, doesn't that just leave a gaping hole for those who would seek to control me and have me do their bidding?

And as I say all this, I am still unraveling myself from the control of others, my parents, friends, lovers, exes, people long since dead and their ideas of who they think I am, have been, or should be. I am on the singular journey of finding out who I am as the sovereign in my life -- the goddess -- and what that looks like, but more importantly, what it feels like.

Observe

What does someone completely empowered in their own life look like? What do they wear? How do they carry themselves? How do they speak? Who do they surround themselves with? What places do they frequent? Who do they share their time and energy with?

What examples do I have out there in the various pantheons? What characteristics of which deities do aspire to attain? The patience of the Buddha. The fierceness of Kali. The compassionate healing of Green Tara. The unconditional love of Christ. The courage of Durga. The connection to nature of Brigid or Gaia. The power of a clap-back when I see injustice, like Thor. The ease and comfort and best use of my shadow side like Hella or Hecate.

How do I determine which are for me and where the balance is?

Try It On Like a Coat

If it doesn't fit, don't wear it.

I love so much about the many aspects of Kali, her fierceness, her mothering instinct, her compassionate side, her warrior -- but do I want to be "Rip off your head and piss down your neck" energy all the time? No. Of course not. But there are definitely times that I do.

Do I want to tear out my heart and replace it with the deities of my choice like Hanuman? That feels a bit extreme to me. Would I replace my heart with my devotion to the cosmic oneness, though? Yeah, I definitely might.

And for me, it comes down to that, how it feels.

How you lead in your own life should feel good to YOU. You should only have the vibes, the people, places and things in your life that feed that good feeling, and support the amazing things you are creating for yourself and the world at large.

Are there things that are beneath you? Yes.

Are there energies that are beneath you? Absolutely.

Are there people who are beneath you? Never. Ever. No.

Always remember, you are not the only sovereign. Allow space for the Divine in you to be with and acknowledge the Divine in others. After all, this divinity is the root of our sovereignty.

What I've Come To

A sovereign, a king or queen, god or goddess does not explain themselves to others.

Yet, they understand the immense benefit of connection and clear communication.

A sovereign does not let anyone else determine what they do or who they are.

Yet, they are open and absorb wisdom and information from everywhere, knowing that they do not know everything.

A sovereign does not settle for what they do not want. Yet, they know the value of resourcefulness, thriftiness, and working for that which they do want with a "whatever it takes" mentality.

A sovereign rules themselves, their lands, their people, and their possessions with a firm, yet fair authority.

Yet, they can be soft and merciful, compassionate and kind.

Sovereigns have falcons. I am still working on that one. Heh.

I began this post with the notion in my head of addressing the pull I feel between being the masculine energy in my life -- getting what I want, demanding equality, showing my strengths and getting shit done, and the femininity -- being soft, asking for help, being treated like a lady, doors held open, the whole nine. In the end, though, it's not really a feminine or masculine thing. It's not a gender thing at all. It's a me thing.

I want to be strong when I am feeling strong and I want to be soft when I am feeling soft. I want to be cared for when I it no longer feels good to only be caring for others, and I want to be loved and cherished, respected and listened to. I want reciprocation. I want conversation. I want empathy and understanding. I want all those things to show up in me in all the cool, weird me ways that things show up, and I want all of it to not only be okay, but to be my empowerment. I want you and me and everyone on the planet to be in our own beautiful expression of empowerment. Unique. Life-altering. Thunderbolt wielding. Flower petal caressing. Self-possessed. Awe-inspiring. Gods and Goddesses.